Know What's Cool?

When people ignore you for just trying to help them. 

:)

(pssst, that's called sarcasm) 

So I Have This Idea...

I've been thinking about this for a while but I still can't decide if I should really go through with it or not. What exactly are you pondering? Well, if you insist, I've recently been contemplating writing a book. More of a personal novel kind of thing but possibly one day it may go public. Who knows. What is it about, you may be asking yourself. Well that I cannot tell you. Why? Well because it's a secret. You may also be wondering why I am forcing questions into your brain and talking all funny. Well I will tell you that, it's because it's 7:45am and I haven't gone to bed yet. But back to the book. Well I can tell you it's a bit about my life. No, it won't be another freaking diary book. The world has had enough of teenage girl diary books. This is a REAL book. Why would people be interested in my life? Well, they probably wouldn't. BUT! I am sure this will be something almost everyone could relate too or at least find amusing to read. We'll see. Anyway, once I get through a fair amount of it, I may post a section of it if you would like. If no one asks me or tells me they would like to read it, then I simply won't post any of it. Simple as that. So there you go, now you all know about my book. Tadaaaa!

Rant?

You know what pisse​s me the fuck off? When peopl​e say they will do somet​hing and they just fucki​ng don'​t.​ I mean,​ I am a very under​stand​ing perso​n.​ Perha​ps too under​stand​ing but that doesn​'​t mean you have to take advan​tage of that!​ If you have a valid​ reaso​n,​ then that'​s okay,​ I can under​stand​ that.​ And sure,​ every​one forge​ts somet​imes.​ But when I know you just fucki​ng don'​t do it, that'​s where​ I draw the line.​

It's the worst​ when I trust​ someo​ne to do said thing​ and they don'​t.​ They say they will and they say they will and I belie​ve them,​ I reall​y do. I sit aroun​d and wait and wait think​ing,​ "Hm, well I trust​ them,​ they'​ll come throu​gh"​ but then I wait and wait some more and 5 hours​ later​ I come to the reali​zatio​n that it's just not going​ to happe​n no matte​r how much I deny it.

I mean,​ I could​ think​ of all the excus​es in the world​ why they might​ not. It makes​ me feel bette​r for a littl​e bit. But in the end, I know it's not true.​ Then I think​,​ "​Maybe​ I just expec​t too much of them"​ and somet​imes it might​ be true but usual​ly I don'​t ask for a lot. Usual​ly I don'​t ask of anyth​ing at all.

So there​ I am, sitti​ng alone​ in my bed cryin​g my littl​e eyes out until​ they'​re all red and puffy​ from so much masca​ra runni​ng into them.​ My pillo​w pract​icall​y dyed black​ from the stain​s.​ The worst​ part is, when they say they'​re sorry​,​ I say, "​It'​s no probl​em,​ reall​y,​ no worri​es"​ and they will be on their​ merry​ littl​e way. In the end, I just don'​t have the heart​ to tell them they hurt me, I don'​t want them to feel bad.

So this rant isn'​t reall​y about​ how I hate peopl​e who say they will do somet​hing and don'​t.​ It's reall​y about​ how I disli​ke how much I hurt mysel​f to risk hurti​ng other​s.​ I hate how I can'​t admit​ I'm hurti​ng.​ But you know what?​ Ironi​cally​,​ I just did. And I feel a littl​e bette​r.​ So reall​y,​ no worri​es.​ I'll be okay.​

I should be sleeping

But once again, I am awake past 4am. WHY!? I have to leave my house for school tomorrow at 8am, dive an hour to class, have class til 6pm, singing rehearsals til who knows how long and then get home probably around 8pm. That's a 12 hour day just for school. 

While I am on the topic of school, I hate to admit it, but I'm starting to loose interest in my program which is a horrible, horrible sign. This happened last year, although a lot earlier in the year, and I failed almost all my classes because I just stopped caring. I have 1 more month until the semester ends, I KNOW I CAN DO IT! But will I? Let's freaking hope so or GWYNZILLA is no more because my parents will probably kill me. 

I'm just hoping they are making this semester really useless and boring to weed out all the people who don't want to be in bad enough then next semester when they've kicked all the people with low marks out, they can start on the real stuff. That is what I am hoping for and it's not a total waste of my money and time like it's been the first 2 months. 

Wow, I'm really sorry for ranting so much but I have had like no sleep and I'm stressed about school, not to make excuses, but I SWEAR to you if I make it through this semester, December will be a VERY happy month. 

Insomnia Test Results

Alright, Chris's insomnia test I decided to try out is FINALLY over! Yaaay :P And I still don't think it helped a whole lot BUT I did get to sleep at a decent time last night! Well, 11. Haha. While WAS originally my goal! Soo I guess it works haha. 

Although I don't recommend it for anyone unless they are experienced non-sleepers... lol. I am but for some reason it was really hard to stay up yesterday! Funny thing is, I'm probably gonna stay up late again tonight because it's Friday.... LOL. I blame everything on Nico... yeah, let's go with that :D 

In other news, I am in class right now and it's pretty useless. It's about 30 minutes into the class and we still haven't done a single thing except attendance. The teacher is STILL trying to set up the video projector system... ahahah. 

Insomnia Cure Test

Okay. So I took Chris's advice about how to try and cure my insomnia by pulling an all nighter and then being able to sleep at a decent time the next day to help get your sleeping schedule back to normal. 

I didn't sleep last night and the day before I woke up at 2:30 in the afternoon. It's 6:30 now, I have been awake for 28 hours and I am ready to die. Lol, seriously. I was doing really good up until school started and we had this really boring lecture and I was honestly passing out. It was horrible, I felt so rude. I was in one of the first rows and we had a guest speaker and I kept falling in and out of sleep and she kept looking at me and I felt bad. I mean she wasn't really that boring, I was just sooo tired and it dragged on so long! It was a 2 hour lecture for god sakes, lol. 

So finally it's around 11 and I get a 10 minute break so what do I do? RUN. Run as fast as my sleep deprived little legs will carry me down to the bookstore to buy a rockstar and a huge ass chocolate bar. It helped for a while which was good, I lasted through the class. 

Driving home was a challenge. But the point is, I survived. I blasted Children of Bodom the whole drive with my windows down, haha! And at one point, a plastic bag flew out my window. 

Ok, so I really hope this test works and it doesn't just mess me up even further. I'll post the results tomorrow!!! :D 

Byeeee everyone!! Love you all :) 

GWYNZILLA

Insomnia FTL :(

I really need to start going to bed before 1. Seriously. Actually, if I could go to bed by 11 that would be amazing. I get tired around 10ish but if I'm up past 11:30 or so, I wake back up and can't sleep til around 3am. 

This is very inconvenient considering most of my classes start at 9... meaning I have to be out of the house by 7:45 if I want to be on time... meaning I have to wake up at 7 OR if I wanna take a shower in the morning, 6:30 BUT everyone has to share a bathroom now since we moved THEREFORE I'm fucked. 

(run on sentences FTW?)

So anyway, I need to somehow find away to make myself sleepy, it's not that I am just staying up late, I just am having trouble getting to sleep. So if anyone out there has some tips on getting to sleep besides like sleeping pills or smashing your head off the wall till you're out cold, let me know in a comment!

Love you all!

GWYNZILLA

Is it really necessary?

Okay, so this is something that I see fairly often and just bothers me. One of those little almost insignificant things that just pokes at you bit by bit each time it happens. What I am talking about is the people who put their name at the end of messages, specifically on Facebook. 

It's reasonable for MySpace or an e-mail because not everyone you are sending your message to might know who you are based on your display name or address. On Facebook, it's different. It has your name on it everywhere so WHY do you need to put it again at the end? I just don't think it's really necessary! 

So you're sitting at your computer and you see 'Matt' wrote on your wall. So you read the message and at the end they put 'Matt'. Do they think you're stupid? Like halfway through the message you forgot who they were. GAH! It just really bothers me! 

Ok, so there is my blog/rant of the day. 

Write your opinions in a comment! And remember, you don't have to have an account to comment =D

Love you all, 

GWYNZILLA

;D haha.

So GWYNZILLA Made A Blogspot, Eh?

Yep, you heard correctly my dearies, I finally did it. I finally got off my ass and made a blogspot account. So now when you're not busy harassing me to make new videos, you can harass me to make blog posts!!! Hah, just kidding. (Kind of >_>) 

Anywayyyys, I don't know how interesting this will be for you, whoever you may be, but I shall try this out and see how it goes. No worries kiddies, I won't try to be funny or entertaining or rant and be all fuck this and fuck that. I will just be myself and if you don't like it then why are you still here? Honestly! GTFO! 

Okay, I think I am done for the night. It's 1am. I will be creative and witty in the morning perhaps.

Goodnight everyoneee!

Love you all!

GWYNZILLA